Ask Dr. Muse-Are You Tolerating “Shoulds” In Your Life?
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Many JETs and JET alumni find themselves at a crossroads regarding their careers and career options. Nicole D. Mignone (Akita-ken, 1991-1993), a certified life coach, will be periodically posting articles for the benefit of the JET Community. You can read more of her life-related articles at her blog thealchemyofbalance.blogspot.com. She also offers individual life and business coaching. For more information, email Nicole at drmuse@jetwit.com.
Dear Dr. Muse:
I feel conflicted about what I should do about my job and what the right career option is. J.D. in D.C.
Dear J.D.:
The word “should” always signals to me that some inner dialogue may be preventing you from doing or determining what you really want. The following exercise assists you with figuring out what you are tolerating in your life, why, and how to eliminate some situations that may be draining you. This may give you some free time to spend on more peaceful projects.
Day 1: Schedule about 15 distraction-free minutes with a pen and some paper. Take a few pieces of paper and fold them in half.
a/ On top of the lefthand colum of one piece of paper, write: I Should….
Then, set a timer for 5 minutes, and then write every and any thought that pops into your head answering that question. Do not think into the answer, just write the thought.
b/ On another piece of paper, on the top of the lefthand column write: I want…
Then, set a timer for 5 minutes, and then write every and any thought that pops into your head answering that question. Do not think into the answer, just write the thought.
c/ Now, repeat this exercise on another sheet of paper and write on the top of the lefthand column: I am Tolerating…..
Set these pages aside for another day to analyze.
Day 2 : The next part of this exercise will take some time to analyze your lists. For the “shoulds” list, over the next few weeks, you are going to evaluate three at a time on this list. Take some time to answer the following questions for each should:
*why is this a should?
*who says I should do this?
*what would happen if I did not do it?
*who would I be without this should on my list?
*what would I rather do instead?
On a blank piece of paper write out three restatements for your “Shoulds” that assert what you would rather have. For example, rather than ‘I should be a lawyer,’ you may decide to write, ‘I prefer work where I am creative,” or “I am an opera singer.” Write something that affirms what you want.
As for toleartions, do the same thing. Pick three on your list each week and ask yourself why you are tolerating this and what would your life look like if you did not tolerate it anymore. Then, on a separate piece of paper, rewrite the toleration to be something you do want.
Finally, the “I want” column is for you to keep in your journal or bookmark. Every few months, refer to this list to assess whether your wants have changed, or to inspire you on a course of action to take to get you closer to what you want. What you think you want today and what you start to create later may surprise you!
As you can see from these columns, career choices overlap with other areas of our life. By paying attention to our thoughts and our present life even outside of work, we can aseemble the bigger puzzle pieces of our life into a picture we enjoy.
Like hiring a personal trainer to reach your fitness goals, a personal life coach can assist you to attain your personal goals. You may write the Muse with any coaching questions, or inquiries into life coaching options on a one-time or ongoing basis at drmuse@jetwit.com.
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