By Kirsten Phillips (Niigata-ken, 2005-08)
Don’t be such an Aso.
I should really fucking stop reading the articles on Japan Today. Simply because the comments crack me up. A majority of them are incredibly hateful, but the vapid self-righteous immaturity just makes me lose my shit.
So Aso, with superhuman speed, rescinded his statement about having kids as an “obligation” he has fulfilled. Smooth, Aso. Could you imagine Obama stumbling over that pitfall? There’d be rioting in the streets and then the Dixie Chicks would get involved…
Admittedly, using such terms to describe reproduction is a bit harsh, especially for a politician. No woman wants to hear about her uterus placed under any guideline, especially by their supreme leader. This is not the Third Reich, after all. Politicians are icons and the populace look to icons as shining paragons who watch their mouths– or at least have their mouths watched for them. Bless Koizumi for being a politician divorced with scattered spawn– a hipster, long-haired, Elvis-loving fuck. I miss him and have a crush on him in the same way any normal person might yearn for Jean-Luc (Picard, that is.)
Sorry, I digress…
Anytime the government tries to dictate human behavior it inevitably fails. Look at Prohibition. How long did that jive last? However, the lack of children in Japan is a real and growing problem. How to deal with and study the causes of this issue is a task that society as a whole must address-and soon, please. Japan’s biological clock is ticking and its economic tits have already begun to sag. Nonetheless, we certainly don’t want you dudes going the way of T.Rex.
I once heard a sci-fi-esque rumor that Japan was developing a robot that could care for (i.e. spoon-feed and diaper-change) the elderly to make up for the lack of young people actually staying at home and fulfilling their filial duties. Not enough kids to take care of their parents and at least robots don’t have votes. YEEP!!!
The world must be peopled, Japan!* (name that Shakespearean play, geek! )
You can afford it, don’t worry. Children can survive without Playstations. No really, they can. You did.
By the by, this also goes for the men. Why are you not fulfilling your “obligations”, huh? Why are you working 25 hours a day and not at home handlessly massaging the missus? Hear me out, bra: Fake byo-kyu, stay in bed, a l’il dinner, a l’il non-dancing, maybe a little DDR (whatever gets ya there), a wee bit o’ budgetary manipulating and presto, one more contender for the shougakko mills!
OR….?
Ahem…?
May I be of some assistance?
Yes, I can show some leg.
Pick me, Japan! Ohhh, pick me! I am so willing to help you populate! Just as long as you give me a sufferable mother-in-law and don’t mind petite Japanese-Jewish geeks slithering about your local MOS-BURGER. No worries, I won’t force him into a yarmulke unless he really wants to go there.
Let me be your surrogate! I guarantee, I have excellent child-bearing hips, hail from a non-smoking, homicide-free environment, come with only the expected set of personality disorders and can pick up soft tofu with chopsticks! I can make usagi-shaped onigiri if you give me advance notice? And you can scold me for being inept at boiling rice not boxed by Uncle Ben. Pardon, it takes me more than a minute.
Nonetheless, I shall willingly bear your spawn! Any takers? Anybody?
Man, can’t give it away for free, can I.
Which begs the question, why is it so hard for female JETS to get laaaaaaid?
I am not saying this is impossible but I can tell ya, you will see a lot more Japanese girls jumping on the gaikokujin bandwagon than the reverse. What gives, huh?
Now, I did not come to Japan to find love. I came to find work. I was not looking for my paramour or soulmate; hell, the best I hoped for was an occasional, hard-won, dirty-bribe booty call. After a while, I pretty much became desensitized to the whole concept of thriving without nookie. Only when a traveling band of taiko players-
-no wait, let me clarify…three taiko playing brothers–
-no, no wait- three taiko-playing, seductively-shouldered, blazing HOT brothers-
-came passing through my town did I realize what I’d been missing out on.
Such a bounty of fresh meat made me feel the famine in a baaad, naughty, disgraceful way. Not to be abysmally shallow but I have a statement I need to bring home.
Dear Japanese men: You are desirable. Some of you work hard to become so, the rest may come as you are, but in the end, please realize that you have potentially the same effect on non-Japanese females. Bow-waka-chika-pow! That’s right, you’re not invisible!
Am I the only 外国人 sista out there feeling somewhat miffed, spurned, scorned and/or shafted by Japanese Y-chromes? I know, I know, the best and the brightest leave as soon as humanely possible while the dregs stay behind in the inaka. This is commonplace in many countries. However, I noticed that few of my male ALT acquaintances ever had to look TOO hard (and some of these dudes were real, um, “prizes”) to score a date. I, on the other hand, lived like a nun in a cloister: Solitary. Celibate. I hated it. (*name that musical, nerds.)
Could it be that the destinies of Japanese sons are more strictly ordained by the heavens? While it seemed perfectly acceptable for daughters to stay behind and date foreign men, or go abroad and study (i.e., date foreign study partners), is the male Japanicus Domesticus policed solely by their societal expectations/mommies & daddies? Or maybe they’re…just not that into me?
Rubbish! I’m fetching and bi-lingual once you get a few carefully-paced drinks in me. I trust my assets to do the rest of the talking where my estimable grammar fails.
Whatever the case, I still felt there were at least 3 or 4 Japanese girls to every guy in my dating bracket. But what to do? Most of the men my age had all moved on to bigger and brighter boobs/jobs/cities than Kashiwazaki had to offer. What little flirting skill I had culled in my youth became stunted after dwelling so long among the “in-crowd” over 50. Not that these gentlemen were ever taken in by my rapier wit and sharp tongue ring to begin with. Talking made them nervous. 合コン was just me and the Kashiwazaki 消防。 Unmarried firemen in their 40’s. Had I hit the jackpot or what? We listened to the same oldies and got drunk on way too much calpis soda with our squid guts. It was downright Bacchanal.
On a side note…
How many people find it absolutely jive that a Japanese woman can speak two languages fluently, study abroad, gain experience to further her career… and find that this actually works against her when landing a date? I don’t know if this is just an affliction of the inaka breeds or what, but a beauty with talent, intelligence and the balls to order coffee in English is a rare bird indeed. However, the ones I knew normally had to keep this classified from the male they intended on shtupping, cuz once he caught wind that she had more worldly gains than him? He tended to drop her like some STD. I’m not saying this is always the case, but the notion is repulsive.
Jive. Jive. Jive.
But the bottom line, the hard core and stymie numero uno to my finding Prince Charming in Japan was that it was sometimes hard to know yourself and your motivations in such displaced circumstances. That, and you were often pulling OT. Date? Whuzzat?
Many ALTs have had to deal with our Japanese co-workers and friends putting us on a pedestal. Hell, the guidebook had an entire chapter devoted to keeping things real in your noodle. If you’re in Japan simply to feel cool (and the everlasting adoration of mobs of sweet cherubs is enough for me) and get more dates than usual, it’s advised that you heavily reassess your motivations for being in Japan, to say nothing of your ego.
I constantly had to deny, evade and divert praise. All modesty aside, I actively went outta my way to try and disprove any inflated image of me. I am NOT that cool. I am not so much 面白い I am me, potentially ダサイ and I just might bore ya. I was certainly not going to do this by behaving ludicrously? Nonetheless, just because I am American living in the inaka, this does not make me exciting. Different, perhaps? Better than you or her? No fucking way. It is much too easy to fall victim to the rock star image and constant ego-stroking that hounds JETS. I wonder, do Japanese people receive the same wide-eyed wonder in Nebraska? Is it assumed they are all ninjas? If so, I hope more than one of them has used such ignorance to their advantage. However, I can honestly say it disgusts me when Joe Average (or Jenny Dull) goes to Japan and actually starts believing they are made of awesome simply because they are the odd man out. Nah-uh, dude. Keep it real. When you go home, you’ll still be you. ^^ Unless, of course, you learn something new.
Kashiwazaki did have one fellow (yup, just one) who was not illegally younger than myself. We laughed, had good times, made merry, held eachother when necessity arose and come April of my third year I found myself dumped and ignored right on schedule as though I were some mistake he’d made.
Dude forgot to check my expiration date. Best used by 08/08.
So he couldn’t handle me leaving and I got shafted. Nice. Oh well, we all need our heart broken once. I saw many of my friends leaving their beloveds behind. Those who stayed made honest ladies of their companions and were wed. The rest broke hearts up and down our fishy little coastline. I’d be bitter and say that’s probably more action than dudes like that ever saw back at home, but then I’d be making blatant generalizations. Too much Goofus, not enough Gallant.
To all you eligible gentlemen out there with a passion for tarako and appreciation for brown rice tea: I don’t mind that perhaps in one phase of your life your dream was to be a Gundam pilot. We were still meant to be. My tower is easy to scale.
6 comments so far...
Being an Asian American male in Japan was not always sunshine and roses either. On top of that, being an Asian American assigned to Aso’s hometown, with all its history of Korean and other coal mine laborers, didn’t necessarily help.
Hey Frank,
Thank you for reading! Where does Aso live? If you care to, maybe you’d like to tell us more about your experience? I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you, but I bet you’ve got some stories. I’d encourage you to go into detail, maybe even a short post if you feel you’d like to share your negative as well as positive experience of being an Asian American JET.
I remember getting the JET Guidebook and reading a section about life in Japan for varied categories of humans such as married couples, women with children, East Indian or Islamic, African-American, Asian American, etc. (note the absence of gay/bisexual) Understandbly, these accounts focused on the good points and only briefly touched upon any real negative experiences or impacts on that individual. They urged the non-Caucasian JET to foster patience and understanding and remember they are “cultural ambassadors”, whose very presence informs the local populace…
…informs them of what exactly?
Being a single chick was only one gripe in a book of many. As much as I loved my experience on JET and Japan, I do sympathise with and can rationalize a little bit better the complaints of some of my fellow JETS. Much as I hope all JETS leave Japan with a warm fuzzy sense of homesickness, I can understand why some leave with the exact opposite.
The Aso family is from Iizuka, Fukuoka. To be entirely fair they are actually very nice people. It never ceases to amaze me how different people can be in person and on the stump.
I knew someone who was a third or fourth generation resident of Korean descent whose family had to change the name to a Japanese one to get Japanese passports.
For my part as long as I showed an interest in Japanese things, people were pretty cool. But it was funny watching the Japanese react to people differently — as long as I kept my mouth shut most would assume I was also Japanese, though an unusually large one, and I would sometimes just watch people as an… exercise in homebrewed anthropology, I suppose.
The amusing part was that I was nicknamed “Secret Asian Man” by some fellow JETs for doing this. Had my own theme song and everything:
There’s a man who leads a life of danger
To everyone he meets he stays a stranger
With every move he makes another chance he takes
Odds are he won’t be in Japan by next year
Secret Asian man, secret Asian man
They’ve given you a contract and taken away your name
Beware of pretty faces that you find
A pretty face can hide a bigot’s mind
Ah, be careful what you say
Or you’ll give yourself away
Odds are you won’t be in Japan by next year
Secret Asian man, secret Asian man
They’ve given you a contract and taken away your name
Awesome stuff Kirsten. I think you vocalized (in a real fun way) a lot of what a good deal of female JETs go through. Being a male who is an ex-Jet, I admit it was a little easier on our end. I think for some of us, that wish to be a Gundam pilot (Still holding out for that phone call) and enjoying manga finally helped us make strides with the female population instead of giving us a one-way ticket to the nerd table at Prom. You know the table I’m talking about. I was sitting at it and let me tell you, wearing a tux and talking Dragon Ball is as awkward as it sounds.
I have to admit though, coming from a culture where it’s usually the guy running around in circles and doing a lot of the leg work for a date, it was a nice change to have it a little easier. Also since we are being honest, it was in an evil little way funny to watch girls complain about not getting play. It’s like they finally got a taste of what it was like.
But again, to be fair, most female JETs aren’t the kind of girls I’d wish that upon. If I was going to sexile (sex + exile) someone it would be the self-involved drama queens, the ones who got by only on their looks, the girls in college who’s computers I’d fixed but never wanted to go on a date afterward. Those are the ones who could use that culture shock. JET girls tend to be open minded, interesting to talk to and down for adventure. So hearing that they were having problems always saddened me a bit because they were the ones that always seemed worth the time.
Anyways, here’s hoping that the current recession leads more Japanese men away from wallet draining, Gucci bag obsessed locals and on to tongue pierced, open-minded exotics.
Thanks again for writing. You can be sure I’m pimping this on the JetWit.com Facebook update.
-R
Wow and wooow.
It must be something of a shock to watch how some Japanese may treat a non-Asian JET as opposed to a JET they assume is Japanese man incognito. I mean, I know I was definitely handed preferential treatment in some cases simply because I was a card-carrying whitey and therefore deemed an exotic. So I wonder how relationships with people in your town was affected by your being Asian American.
I’ve heard some Asians living in Japan tell me that if you don’t look Japanese and don’t act “Japanese”, then it is perfectly acceptable. However, if you look Japanese and don’t ACT Japanese, people can be really cold. Your genuine interest in Japanese culture may have not only acted as a positive re-enforcement for you both but as a reminder that you were most definitely NOT Japanese and therefore deserved some consideration in that respect.
Kudos to ya, thank you for sharing!
And that is a kickass song btw! If you don’t take it as a taunt, I’d love to hear someone actually record it!
Hi Rick!
Sorry I missed ya on Japan Day! I think you arrived just as the event was finishing up and the rain started. But thank you for reading and your comment, I am happy to hear a male JET’s perspective on this issue.
I can say for a fact that it is really discouraging how much generalization is made of the JET population. However, for every generalization there is a hint of truth.
Knowing anything about culture (manga and anime being the two biggies) is always an attention-getting ploy and way to build relationships, in and outside of Japan. In Japan, you have tons of common ground (and nowadays, in America too–anime is no longer exotic) however, I would be hesitant to say less judgment.
You know the table I’m talking about. I was sitting at it and let me tell you, wearing a tux and talking Dragon Ball is as awkward as it sounds.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHA! This slays me!
You bring up a very good point about who does the legwork in a date. In Japan, it seemed like the males were often pursued by females which goes even against nature! Alpha males in the wild constantly duke it out for territory and who gets the slampiece but in Japan, I observed women competing over who had the longest eyelashes and best-functioning curling iron to gain the attentions of the one lone guy in the Prefecture.
But this is blatant humorous generalization. It can go both ways.
Like I mentioned before, there were always more females in the dating bracket available for dating than guys and this, too, had cultural implications. In addition, one must consider that an exotic (foreign) female may not be desirable for a male population bred on dominance and being in control. We’re more hassle than we’re worth. Any woman (Japanese or non) with more skill/experience may be viewed as a threat rather than an asset. Let us not forget Japan is still a largely male-dominated country and this holds ESPECIALLY true for the inaka. Women’s lib, from what I’ve seen, has not made as huge strides.
So reasons for the female run-around in Japan, may not exactly be the same as the male run-around in America.
I agree with you in that I feel all JETS, male or female, and regardless of intention do harbor some degree of adventure-seeking. Or at least a willingness to participate in something unfamiliar. This works for and against us. I think the girls whose computers you’d fixed might not have lasted a day on JET.
What matters to me–beyond intention, the where, why and hows for getting laid in Japan–is the presentation. How do you come off? How much of this is genuine and honest? Are you prepared for the consequences of such? I have known female JETS who made it their mission to screw anything that moved, who basked in and got off on the attentions of gawking salarymen, whose egos purely disgusted me when they complained about not being able to find a date yet were the object of every pathetic male fantasy. I can see that situation for what it is. How well you do on JET (and how happy you leave it) depends a lot on how well you know yourself at the end of the road.
Some ALTs haven’t even revved up the engine yet.
Coffee?