Dec 12


James Kennedy (Nara-ken, 2004-06), author of The Order of Odd-Fish, has reviewed all haiku submissions containing the designated word fewmets for Haiku Challenge #1 and has selected a winner. Read on for his decision and rationale.

I was blown away by the quality of the fewmets haiku I received. I can state with absolute conviction that these are the best haiku about fewmets that I have ever read!

First, the honorable mentions. Meredith Hodges-Boos (Ehime-ken, Yoshida-cho, 2003-05) wrote an appropriately grim, medieval-epic haiku that ends with a wonderfully forbidding promise of violence:

Fewmets steam on bleak
Frost-covered leaves, hunter stoops
Soon blood will melt ice

Chillingly beautiful! Worthy of Beowulf! I can almost imagine Ms. Hodges-Boos is the kind of woman who makes her own chain mail.

Rick Ambrosio (Ibaraki-ken, 2006-08) put a decidedly modern spin on fewmets:

The fewmets of love;
lipstick wine glass, lost overcoat . . .
painful cotton swab nurse!

Every man who has endured a gonorrhea test will find the last line poignantly evocative. Mr. Ambrosio is clearly a gentleman about town, a chap of wide and varied experiences, a man who almost certainly has chlamydia. He came very close to winning, except that the second and third lines each have one more syllable than a fastidious interpretation of the haiku form allows. As sloppy as a tart’s kiss, Mr. Ambrosio!

Finally, we come to the winner, from the talented Ilya Blokh:

A French truffle, on the
Tongue, melts, but how I was wrong
It was a fewmet

True, the first line might has one more syllable than usual, but Mr. Blokh’s brilliance trumps formal quibbles. The imagination is set giddily free. How did the poet come across this spurious truffle? On what pretext is he eating it? From what beast does this fewmet issue? What does the fewmet taste like? Mr. Blokh creates an entire world for me to inhabit.

And thither shall I now flit, to freely and sportively bombinate among the flowers of his soul.

Click “Read More” to see a couple more haiku submissions.


Run!  Neither hail nor snow!

‘Tis fewmets, falling from above,

Onto the heads below.

–Ilya Blokh


Malodorous wind
Wafts in from o’er yonder.
‘Tis the dog’s fewmets

–Joel Dechant (CIR, Kagoshima-ken 2001-2004)

Difference of opinion with the judging?  Post a comment and share your thoughts.  Do it in haiku form if you want.

2 comments so far...

  • JM Said on December 17th, 2008 at 6:41 pm:


    “Lack of fresh fewmets”–
    Or, as said in Scotland Yard,
    “No shit, Sherlock.”

  • James Kennedy Said on December 18th, 2008 at 1:10 am:

    Oh, JM, if only you had entered earlier! That’s hilarious!

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