May 7

Kirsten’s World: The JETs are gonna get it…

Writers Add Comment (2)

By Kirsten Phillips (Niigata-ken, 2005-08)

When you’re a Jet,
You’re the top cat in town,
You’re the gold medal kid
With the heavyweight crown!

When you’re a Jet,
You’re the swingin’est thing:
Little boy, you’re a man;
Little man, you’re a king!

-Stephen Sondheim

Hmmmmmmm….

The issue of employment prospects on my return to the Mothership left me with more than a little concern and doubt. People with families losing jobs or flocking to my hometown in droves to find work. The market in chaos. MBAs rejected by Dominos. It’s a mess and dearie me, what have I got that Sir J. Friends-a-Lot hasn’t?

I lived in Japan for three years?

Nahhh.

Srsly?

Wow.

Seriously.

Whatever reputation it may have in Japan, back home the JET Program bears some weight it seems. I’ve seen eyebrows perk and shoulders lean forward just slightly at the mention of:

“I lived in Japan for three years.”

“Orly???”

“Yes. Really.”

It seems this statement still implies that some folk consider life abroad some Herculean feat. People migrate to America, not the other way around!

On the other hand, maybe living in Japan is pretty tough? Relatively, JET coddles the fuck out of us . Had I attempted the ordeal on my own, dearies, hee-hee ho-ho! Catastrophe, no doubt. Or maybe not? The Japanese are extraordinarily helpful souls, by and large.

Interviewers seem to like JETS. At least, they like the implications of that individual. Maybe they even envy us a little. Much of the Western world is either fascinated or at least intrigued with Japan. You leave the country either damning it to all damnation or loving it beyond all reason. I’ve seen few in between. I interviewed with a number of Japanese agencies all keen on hiring ex-JETs. When I recently resigned from my job, the agency that got it for me called me wondering if I might be interested in something else they had lined up. The week before that, an entirely different agency called me up! What gives?

This makes me scratch my head. Why all these offers? I’m not THAT cute and my Japanese certainly is nowhere near acceptable for a Japanese work environment. My spoken Japanese could be worse but it certainly gets a helluva lot more interesting after a few rounds.

I cannot be certain if the reputation of the JET Program is to credit for all this headhunter interest. Believe you me, not all JETS are models of integrity and cultural understanding. I am no exception. Having dealt with a great number of ALTS in my area, I had to wonder. What the hell goes on during the screening process? Where does CLAIR find these people and am I one of those people???

It saddens me to think that some Japanese people have been lead to believe truly indecent things about foreign language teachers and our intentions. Unfortunately, some of them do not exactly aid in disproving this image.

The JET Program application process takes about a full year to complete. Initial submission of the application is followed with no less than 3 professional and or academic references in the first stage. This stark application has very astringent policies and guidelines. No detail may be revised, substituted, misinterpreted and/or omitted. This is Tokyo, folks. They are not going to even consider anyone who cannot follow directions to the letter. This should go without saying. The application wants to read your soul in broad terms. Who goes there and what’s your business? This is also the place where you get to list any allergies, phobias, certifications and placement preferences.

Though it is made clear from the very beginning that no placement is ever made in large cities such as Tokyo or Osaka (for a number of sage reasons), it is fairly safe to say that the chances of being assigned exactly in or even around one’s prefecture or city of choice is slim. Unless circumstances are dire, (e.g. you have a chronic condition that can only be treated in a facility located in X), your request will likely be overlooked. Back then, I didn’t know much about the Prefectures of Japan and to this day I probably can’t name them all but I chose randomly. I asked for Gunma, they gave me Niigata. Close enough.

Placement preference is merely a petty courtesy. The reality is you get placed where you are needed and where there are openings available. However, there are some reasons the Powers That Be may feel inclined to honor.

One cannot just say: “I like to surf so give me Okinawa”. Just for that, they’d probably place the fucker in Nagano. Bureaucrats are bitchy like that. ^^

“I have a friend/distant family in Sendai” is also a pretty weak pretense. However, let’s say you are a descendant of some groovy ninja clan and wish to discover your roots in Miyagi ken, then by all means. Or maybe you are an artist and wish to study a specific style of pottery founded by a sect in Hokkaido. Rock on. Or perchance you want to master the art of brewing sake for your thesis and remain convinced you cannot learn this anywhere but in Shimane ken, then go for it.

After the application passes initial screening, you are asked to submit a 2 page statement of purpose, akin to those stirring and trite college essays you had to write perhaps not too long ago. This essay, however, is more of a CV, and places more weight on your acceptance than either the interview or your credentials. One must remember that the JET Program is still a job, not a free ticket to Japan. You are being employed by the government of Japan for a widely sought-after position. Why should they hire a jackass like you, huh?

Mentioning pop culture is the kiss of death.

You like anime? So does the rest of the world. Inspired by the Karate Kid. Weren’t we all? “Memoirs of a Geisha” changed my life. Our’s too. Sushi? I wuvz sushi! Blah blah blah. Would you mention any of these things on any other Cover letter? Would your hard on for godzilla bear any relevance to the board? Then don’t insult Japan by merely showing an interest in the culture and assuming that’ll get your foot in the door. Shock them, kids. Surprise them. Because knowing the theme to Galaxy Express999 word for word ain’t gonna cut it.

A couple of my college friends asked me to edit their Statements of Purpose and a surprising majority mentioned not a single thing about what the writer intended to offer Japan. What have you got? Sure, unflagging enthusiasm counts and you’d better have at least a little if you’re going to spend the next 1-3 years in a country that doesn’t believe in paper towels but one must look beyond one’s own desires. How do you think going to Japan will help you in the future and vice versa?

After the Statement of Purpose is approved, you are then asked to show up at the nearest Japanese embassy for an interview. The panel usually consists of one representative from CLAIR (the hiring agency who works for MEXT), an academic ambassador (usually a professor of Japanese studies), a former JET participant volunteer and some random smart guy in a tie who does all the talking.

Now the interviews for JET vary from state to state. I’ve heard rumors that in NY, once you reach interview stage, you pretty much already have the job. They just want to see you in the flesh to make sure you’re the genuine article with a demeanor suitable for working with children. Obviously, if you can write eloquently but come off as a total asshat in person, this may dampen your chances. I’ve also heard that the interview style varies. Some interviewers actively try to rattle a participant to see how they naturally respond to unusual or unexpected behaviors or circumstances. I’ve heard some cruel bastards even conduct the initial stage of the interview in straight Japanese just to see if an applicant will faint. I’d heard of one girl who was so flustered by her interviewer’s attitude, that she broke down and left the room in tears.

She was later offered the job, btw. ^^

I did not experience any such shenanigans in my interview. I banished my piercings for a day, cut my hair, bought a new blouse and applied aggressive CPR to my keigo. My efforts were smiled on. For my interview, they asked me to teach a mock lesson on Christmas. I stood up and with a big smile burst into a riveting chorus of “Jingle Bells”.

I believe that is chiefly how I secured my place.

This was the toughest question they asked me: “What if you were invited to someone’s home and the host offered you a food you were not familiar with or could not eat?’

“I’d do what I’d probably do in America.”

“That is…?”

“Apologize but explain my allergy. Or say that looks delicious, what is it?”

“What if they cannot understand English?”

すみませんが私はアレルギーがあるのでとかおいしそうね。何が入っていますか？

Not afraid to look like an asshole? Not gonna bolt at the first sight of squid pizza? Blissfully unaware of kancho? WELCOME TO JAPAN!

You begin the process in November, interview in February, get your results in April and are on your way to Tokyo by the end of July.

Why is it all too easy for some to think of JETS as shiftless, lazy, freeloading foreigners only interested in getting a Japanese date and extending their juvenile filandering in a country different from their own? No respect for Japan, just its tax money and plastic models. Unfortunately, some JETS earn this reputation in the worst possible ways. I’ve got stories, you’ve got stories, we could be here all night.

If I may quote a dear friend and ex-ALT who lived in town called “Turtle”:

“As for JETs, I don’t mean all of them sucked. But more than a few did…I wondered why I had to work so hard to prove I was worthy of the program only to find folks who were doing the “5th year of college” thing and who’d brag about showing up hungover for work. Gah! The ones like you and Phil and Phil and Rik who treated it like it was a job were really refreshing. The ones who just marked time at school and whined about their classes and went partying drove me nuts. “Wah, wah, wah, teaching kids is hard, so I hang out in a bar all night!” Sadly I think you’re right, they largely considered us all one and the same. Which is too bad…”

Because the JET Program hiring pool is largely fresh out of college and the job description is focused on a youthful demographic (the young respond better to the young?), they often end up essentially hiring kids with an interest in Japan and who don’t wanna resign themselves to the shakaijin lifestyle so soon. Then there are others who are genuinely undecided where their path is. Some in that category actively reflect and search and others procrastinate and party 24-7 while they “find themselves”. I got along only with the ALTs who came where I was coming from. I was not fresh outta college. I waited 4 years after graduation to apply to the JET Program because I knew that I did not have enough experience or the strength of character it takes to live and work in a foreign country and adapt to its needs and standards. Maybe I still don’t have that but my point is, I saw way too many grown children in JET and not enough serious ones.

I responded to ALTs who actually talked about their jobs. What worked for them that day, what laughably didn’t. Who was their favorite co-worker? How were their students? Sure, we all have our days where we wanna fuck Japan or have it fuck us but an ALT who does nothing but mock their lives and hunt for willing punane? What exactly is going on there?

Then again, it takes a special breed to become a JET and stick with it. Like nails hammered crooked and protruding out of the American woodwork, here were my fellow nerds, my freaks, my half-crazed, Shiina-Ringo loving white people! A wise African once said to me: “The finest, leave. The rest don’t move.”