{"id":192,"date":"2008-09-23T18:53:09","date_gmt":"2008-09-23T18:53:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jetwit.com\/wordpress\/?page_id=192"},"modified":"2008-11-23T15:41:31","modified_gmt":"2008-11-23T15:41:31","slug":"top-ten","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/jetwit.com\/wordpress\/library\/humor\/top-ten\/","title":{"rendered":"Top Ten"},"content":{"rendered":"

Fall 2008 “Politics” Issue<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Who would be a better president, McCain or Obama?\u00a0 Maybe that\u2019s the wrong question. Perhaps the focus should be on what presidency they should really be running for. And thus the question is begged, what would be\u2026 <\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"The Top 14 Ways JETAA Would be Different If
\nObama or McCain Were Your JETAA Chapter President<\/strong><\/h2>\n

14. Early bird special nihongo-dake<\/em> dinners<\/strong><\/p>\n

13. JETAA Delaware\u2019s Tax-Free Shopping Day<\/strong><\/p>\n

12. Beach Boys parodies about genocide replaced by Morning Musume parodies about market turmoil<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"11. General skepticism about president\u2019s claim that while on JET he \u201ccould see South Korea\u201d from his school\u2019s window.<\/strong><\/p>\n

10. Promises of lower noodle taxes for Joe the Ramenya-san<\/strong><\/p>\n

9. Onsen trips\u2026in Maui<\/strong><\/p>\n

8. President shows off \u201cmaverick\u201d side by putting tonkatsu<\/em> sauce on okonomiyaki<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

7. Chicago deep dish served at Newsletter stuff n\u2019 mails<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

6. Softball Tournament in Brooklyn replaced by Moose Hunting Tournament in Staten Island<\/strong><\/p>\n

5. Next happy hour destination: USS Intrepid!<\/strong><\/p>\n

4. Election opponent branded as a terrorist after admitted to having bought a phone card from an Iranian guy in Ueno Park in 1995<\/strong><\/p>\n

3. Uniqlo shopping spree for the veep<\/strong><\/p>\n

2. Position on yaki-niku<\/em> enkai<\/em>? \u201cGrill, baby, grill!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. \u201cI\u2019m Barack Obama, and I approve this sake\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Fall 2007 – The “TRAUMA” Issue TOP 14!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

A lot of crazy stuff went down while we were on JET.\u00a0 Stuff that really did a number on your head.\u00a0 But hey, it could’ve been worse.\u00a0 And that’s why we are pleased to present you with…<\/em><\/p>\n

THE TOP 14 TRAUMATIC THINGS THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN…BUT COULD HAVE<\/strong><\/p>\n

14.\u00a0 In a bizarre mishap totaling 800 billion yen worth of damage known as the Shibuya Earthquake, over 10,000 Japanese youths in the Shinjuku Eki vicinity simultaneously select – and execute – the exact same Dance Revolution move.
\n13.\u00a0 “Please bow deeply as I will now introduce you to your oya-bun – ah, I mean kocho-sensei.”
\n12.\u00a0 In attempting to practice your keigo, not only did you inadvertently propose to your host father, but under local law his acceptance is binding, meaning you are now legally responsible for the care of his incontinent parents.
\n11.\u00a0 Severe national rice famine causes JETs across the country to endure long-lasting, grueling commentary on merits of Japanese rice.
\n10.\u00a0 Female JETs hounded relentlessly for new all-gajin version of Morning Musume, leading to nationwide catfights, backbites and broken nails.
\n9.\u00a0 All JET contract renewals conditioned upon karaoke rendition of “My Way” in school auditorium pending vote of student body via text messaging.
\n8. \u00a0\u00a0 Out:\u00a0 Sports Day.\u00a0 In:\u00a0 Battle Royale Day.
\n7. \u00a0\u00a0 Smiles at McDonald’s raised to 5 yen.
\n6. \u00a0\u00a0 NSA wiretapping of foreign surveillance reveals plot to overpay Americans.
\n5. \u00a0\u00a0 You are assigned to same school attended by Sailor Moon; endless monster attacks ensue.
\n4. \u00a0\u00a0 NHK collection outsourced to Yakuza; “Nihongo wakaranai” excuse no longer effective.
\n3. \u00a0\u00a0 All CIRs rendered obsolete by overturned broom with bucket for a head (wait a minute…).
\n2.\u00a0\u00a0 “Ano… ex-cuzu me tee-cha, would-o you puruezu jadge o-wa Pig Latin contesto?”
\n1. \u00a0\u00a0 Who said doing this for three years was optional???<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Summer 2007 – The “LIVING LARGE” Issue TOP 14!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Some of us loved our housing in Japan.\u00a0 Others, not so much.\u00a0 But what you probably didn’t know is that there’s a whole liturgy of songs on the topic.\u00a0 And so after extensive
\nresearch by the Newsletter staff, we are proud to present …<\/em><\/p>\n

THE TOP 14 COUNTRY & BLUES SONGS ABOUT LIVING IN JAPAN<\/strong><\/p>\n

14. \u00a0\u00a0 My Daddy Was a Yaki-imo Man
\n13. \u00a0\u00a0 Another Man’s Shoes in Your Genkan
\n12. \u00a0\u00a0 Under the Kotatsu with You
\n11. \u00a0\u00a0 My Sha-ken’s Got Me Shakin’
\n10. \u00a0\u00a0 I Got a Woman Loves the NHK Man
\n9. \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 If Only I Could Tear Down the Paper Walls of Your Heart
\n8. \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 Grab the Good Gomi and Bring it on Home-y
\n7. \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 The Ballad of Billy-Bobby Wabi-sabi
\n6. \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 The Shoji Slide
\n5. \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 I Love My Papa But I Miss My Mama-chari
\n4. \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 Beat! Beat! Beat! (That Futon)
\n3. \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 Feel So Close to You (In My Two-Tatami Apartment)
\n2. \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 Gokiburi Blues
\n1. \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 I Got a Long Drop Toilet (I Don’t Know How Deep It Goes)*<\/p>\n

*This is actually a line from a song written by a JET alum and performed at the Chubu Block Conference talent show in 1993.<\/em><\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Spring 2007 – The April “FUN OF OUR LIVES” Issue TOP 13!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

As JET alums, one of the most fun things about our lives in Japan was, of course, hanami. A time to get together, eat together, drink together, sing together and … drink together. And while we’reappreciating the wabi-sabi-ness of sakura blossoms, we’re apt to say various things, which leads us to …<\/em><\/p>\n

THE TOP 10 THINGS OVERHEARD AT JETAA NY HANAMI<\/strong><\/p>\n

10.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “I have to disagree. I think Jenn could totally take Rob one-on-one in a Presidential Throwdown.”
\n9.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “No, I don’t think the Naked Cowboy is a JET alum.\u00a0 Why do you ask?”
\n8.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Yo, Frankie!\u00a0 Under da cherry blossoms I ain’t even feel like I’m in Brooklyn!”
\n7.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “My back hurts, Rob.\u00a0 When did you say this tradition of carrying the new President on a palanquin to the Botanical Gardens got started?”
\n6.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Fabulous bag!\u00a0 Is that a Jetaany?”
\n5.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Jenna Bush?\u00a0 Yeah, I think I saw her passed out under the cherry blossoms.”
\n4.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Thanks for the onigiri.\u00a0 And the Sour Patch Kids aren’t a bad substitute for the umeboshi.”
\n3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Put your kimono back on!\u00a0 You want everyone to see you in the JETAANY Society Page?”
\n2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “I swear I’ll pay you back for all the booz, as soon as I get my Sake Scholarship money.”
\n1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Takenoko! Takenoko! No-ki-ki!”<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Summer 2006 – THE “WELCOME BACK” ISSUE TOP 13!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

You can take the JET out of Japan, but you can’t take Japan out of the JET.\u00a0 Not immediately anyway.\u00a0 So to assist the recent returnees as theyre-adjust to life outside Japan, we have compiled …<\/em><\/p>\n

THE TOP 13 MISTAKES MADE BY RECENT JET RETURNEES<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

13.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “I’ll have the minestrone and-o<\/em> a garden salad.”
\n12.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Showing up to parties “fashionably early”.
\n11.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Now that I’m back in New York I’ll finally be able to meet some nice, normal guys.”
\n10. \u00a0 \u00a0 Requesting chopsticks at Katz’s Deli to eat your matzoh ball soup.
\n9.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “To-in-crease-e-ffi-cien-cy I re-co-mmend that-you le-ve-rage your sy-ner-gies.\u00a0 Repeat after me — le-ve-rage…”
\n8.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Thinking that non-JETs actually are interested to hear how you (choose one) memorized 2,000 kanji\/learned flower arranging\/taught an entire town how to speak English.
\n7.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “It’s a Japanese restaurant.\u00a0 Of course they speak Japanese.”
\n6.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Dating all correspondence as “Bush 6.”
\n5.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “What can go wrong?\u00a0 See, we take the 6:53 train from Penn Station which gets us to Trenton exactly at 8:12 for the transfer to…”
\n4.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Bowing to taxis when you jaywalk in front of them.
\n3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “With my sharpened my humor skills and raised confidence, I’ll be a big hit with the ladies in New York.”
\n2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Walking into Famous Ray’s and ordering a slice of seaweed and squid, heavy on the corn.
\n1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Hey, check it out!\u00a0 Another gaijin bar!”<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Spring 2006 – THE “RELIGION” ISSUE TOP 12!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Religion and humor are a dangerous mix.\u00a0 Nonetheless, we at the Newsletter have decided to say a prayer and wonder about …<\/em><\/p>\n

THE TOP 12 DIFFERENCES IF JETAA-NY WERE A RELIGION<\/strong><\/p>\n

12.\u00a0 Reverse culture shock treated through JETAA sponsored faith healing sessions
\n11.\u00a0 “And on the seventh day, God created the izakaya.\u00a0 And God saw that it was good.”
\n10.\u00a0\u00a0 All JET alums required to make pilgrimage to Tokyu Hands
\n9. \u00a0\u00a0 Newsletter forms strategic partnership with The Gideons to access hotel distribution channel
\n8.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Communion changed to sake and o-senbei
\n7. \u00a0\u00a0 Holy Trinity?\u00a0 Godzilla, Pokemon and the Sailor Moon
\n6. \u00a0\u00a0 Contentious split among membership over whether Ichiro or Nakata is the messiah.
\n5.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Are you familiar with JET?\u00a0 Why don’t you take some of our literature, and let us know if you have any questions…”
\n4. \u00a0\u00a0 JET alums worldwide riot for seven days after Newsletter publishes image of Yoku Shitteiru
\n3. \u00a0 Live fish sacrificed and eaten in front of membership
\n2.\u00a0\u00a0 “Thou shalt not pronounce it carry-okie!”
\n1. \u00a0 Three words: Hello Kitty Bibles<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Winter 2006 – THE “FAMILY” ISSUE TOP 12!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

When you think about it, the JET Alumni Association is one big happy family.\u00a0 One big organized family, really.\u00a0 And we’ve got members of the Family working at various Japanese and U.S. companies and organizations, in positions to exert influence, if youwill.\u00a0 Kind of makes you wonder, what would be…<\/em><\/p>\n

THE TOP 12 DIFFERENCES IF JETAA-NY WERE AN ORGANIZED CRIME FAMILY<\/strong><\/p>\n

12. Sentences beginning “You had better…” taken more literally.
\n11. Bloody turf war with DC chapter over control of Pocky distribution in Philadelphia.
\n10. Vice-President’s responsibilities updated to include “loyalty maintenance” and “knife skills.”
\n9. \u00a0 Punch perms make it easier to spot other JET alums around town.
\n8. \u00a0 Article submissions to Newsletter required as “repayment for loans.”
\n7. \u00a0 Uncontested elections for officer positions.\u00a0 (Ehh?\u00a0 Chotto matte…)
\n6. \u00a0 JETAA logo design commissioned to tattoo artist.
\n5. \u00a0 Hits outsourced to NY de Volunteer.
\n4. \u00a0 JETAA New York quarterly “development” meetings held in basement of seedy pizza joint. (Ehh?\u00a0 Chotto matte…)
\n3.\u00a0\u00a0 “You think this is omoshiroi?\u00a0 Omoshiroi how?\u00a0 Omoshiroi ha-ha?…”
\n2. \u00a0 JETAA-NY informally known as the “Olayon-gumi.”
\n1.\u00a0 Three words:\u00a0 Pachinko dake dinners.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Fall 2005 – THE “ETHICS” ISSUE TOP 10!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

We’re all back, safe and sound in the good ol’ US of A, done forever with our JET experience.\u00a0 And yet, some things still linger.\u00a0 Things we did, or perhaps still do, that we’re not particularly proud of, that still gnaw at us, and that are …<\/em><\/p>\n

THE TOP 10 THINGS STILL TUGGING AT A JET ALUM’S CONSCIENCE<\/strong><\/p>\n

10. Fit of drunken spending that led to 800 yen re-purchase of M.C. Hammer’s entire oeuvre on CD at the local Tsutaya.
\n9.\u00a0 Manga-to-Newspaper Reading Ratio while in Japan:\u00a0 11,625 to 1.
\n8.\u00a0 On New Year’s, hung out with old host family from high school just for the otoshidama.
\n7.\u00a0 Still use “Your English is good!” as pickup line – even with other Americans.
\n6.\u00a0 Oft-repeated claims that you dug Morning Musume “for their music.”
\n5.\u00a0 Pursued gift-war victory a bit too aggressivley with obasan next door.
\n4.\u00a0 Charged your replacement JET 15,000 yen for boro-boro mama-chari.
\n3.\u00a0 Overly fond memories of the Carpenters.
\n2.\u00a0 Recurring urge to ditch family Christmas and eat Kentucky Fried Chicken in a love hotel.
\n1.\u00a0 Could have read and repeated a bit more enthusiastically at times.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Summer 2005 – THE “INTERPRETATIONS” ISSUE TOP 10!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

When you’re interpreting or translating, not every situation can be ideal.\u00a0 Every job is a new adventure and you don’t always know what you’re getting yourself into.\u00a0 That’s why we present the Newsletter’s …<\/em><\/p>\n

TOP 10 INTERPRETER\/TRANSLATOR NIGHTMARES<\/strong><\/p>\n

10. “Sorry for the misunderstanding.\u00a0 We just need you to do this conference witha Japanese accent.”
\n9.\u00a0\u00a0 “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.\u00a0 All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.\u00a0 All work..”
\n8.\u00a0 “And now please turn your attention to PowerPoint slide number seven hundred and sixty-eight…”
\n7.\u00a0 “Thanks for coming to the Tokyo Trekkie Convention.\u00a0 You can do Japanese to Klingon?”
\n6.\u00a0 Finnegan’s Wake, by James Joyce
\n5.\u00a0 “And after you’re done interpreting Mr. Fudd’s speech on Rascally Rabbits, we’ll need you to interpret for Mr. Pig.”
\n4.\u00a0 “And we’ll start the bidding at fifty-doIhearfiftyfiftyfiftynowsixtysixtydoIhearseventy?Seventy-seventynowuptoeightyeightyeightydoIhearninety?NinetyninetyninetydoIhear…”
\n3.\u00a0\u00a0 “As our President’s father and a former President myself, I’d like to say it’s great to be back in Japan speaking to all of – BLEAAARRRGGGHHH…”
\n2.\u00a0\u00a0 “I can’t believe my eyes!!\u00a0 Hulk Hogan has just body slammed Yokozuna’s interpreter, and the ref didn’t even see it!!”
\n1.\u00a0\u00a0 “Ina-sama-may, onnichiwa-kay.\u00a0 Atashi-way a-way otemo-tay orokondeimasu-yay…”<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Spring 2005 – THE “MONEY” ISSUE TOP 10!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

As JETAA NY prepares for eventual financial independence and seeks 501(c)(3) not-for-profit status, how it raises and uses its money becomes increasingly significant.\u00a0 Therefore, to assist in the process of prioritizing, below are the Newsletter’s …<\/em><\/p>\n

TOP 10 Suggestions for How JETAA NY Should Use Its Money<\/strong><\/p>\n

10. Construction of a West Side Sumo Stadium
\n9.\u00a0 Shoe cream sent with every Newsletter
\n8.\u00a0 Nihongo Dake Dinner at Masa (the rather high-end Japanese restaurant in the Time Warner Center)
\n7.\u00a0 JETAA Development Meetings at Club Med
\n6.\u00a0 Stretch Humvee “JETAA-Mobile”
\n5.\u00a0 Keynote speaker at upcoming JETAA Career Forum:\u00a0 Billy Graham
\n4.\u00a0 Hostile takeover of Princeton in Asia program
\n3.\u00a0 Pizza schmitza!\u00a0 Caviar and Dom Perignon at next Newsletter stuffing
\n2.\u00a0 Start JETAAtology religion
\n1.\u00a0 One word:\u00a0 Saketinis<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Winter 2005 – THE “GAMES” ISSUE TOP 10!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Maybe, just maybe, the Olympic Games will come to New York City in 2012.\u00a0 Don’t know yet if there will many or any JETs participating.\u00a0 But if our new officers have the foresight to put together the first ever JET Olympics, here are some of the events you as JET alums might be able to not only enter but perhaps win a medal in.\u00a0 And so without further ado, we present to you…<\/em><\/p>\n

THE TOP 10 EVENTS WE’D LIKE TO SEE AT THE JET OLYMPICS<\/strong><\/p>\n

10. 100 Meter Too-Small-Slipper Dash
\n9.\u00a0 Playing Ski
\n8.\u00a0 Karaoke Endurance Marathon
\n7.\u00a0 800 Meter Yes-I-Can-Use-Chopsticks
\n6.\u00a0 Cross-country Keigo
\n5.\u00a0 Synchronized Bowing
\n4.\u00a0 Men’s Downhill Kanji Memorization
\n3.\u00a0 Raw Delicacy Avoidance Verbal Gymnastics
\n2.\u00a0 Boro-boro Mama-chari Bicycle Race
\n1.\u00a0 Cross-Cultural Jump to Conclusions<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Fall 2004 – THE “HOLIDAY” ISSUE TOP 10!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

We know all the ins, outs and traditions of the big mainstream holidays.\u00a0 But many of us came to also be familiar with certain alternative, more personal holidays custom designed for for JETs.\u00a0 To honor these special and equally important days, he Newsletter therefore presents …<\/em><\/p>\n

THE TOP 10 LESS PUBLICIZED JET HOLIDAYS<\/strong><\/p>\n

10. Fictional Religious Observance That Coincidentally Falls on a Friday Day
\n9.\u00a0 Gaijin Coming of Age Day – the first day you are mistaken for a native Japanese speaker on the phone
\n8.\u00a0 Hangover Day (Reformed) – Observed at school by teaching six class periods
\n7.\u00a0 Superbowl Party Day – begins promptly at 8:00 a.m.\u00a0 Often explained by reference to #10.
\n6.\u00a0 Yes, A Second Jewish Holiday That’s Difficult to Explain and Sounds Completely Made Up But Just Happens to Come a Week After the Other Jewish Holiday Day (often confused with #10)
\n5.\u00a0 Hangover Day (Conservative) – Observed at home.\u00a0 Alone.
\n4.\u00a0 Boxing Day – (Still no clue what it’s about.\u00a0 Possibly related to #10.)
\n3.\u00a0 Self-Evaluation Day – Celebrated on selected days with the questions “What am I doing here?” and “They’re paying me for this?”
\n2.\u00a0 Career Evaluation Day – Observed the day following Self-Evaluation Day with the question “What am I going to do after this?” and concluded with the ceremonial signing of the Renewal Contract.
\n1.\u00a0 Hangover Day (Orthodox) – Observed on the 6:08 a.m. shinkansen from Tokyo to your
\ninaka town.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Summer 2004 – THE “END OF SUMMER” ISSUE TOP 14!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Sure, you might think Bush or Kerry would make a good president.\u00a0 But what if they had a real job?\u00a0 What if they had to go teach English in Japan?\u00a0 What then, praytell, would be…<\/em><\/p>\n

THE TOP 14 CONSEQUENCES IF BUSH AND KERRY TAUGHT ENGLISH IN JAPAN<\/strong><\/p>\n

14. Both candidates surprised to discover “Ohio” is equally popular topic of conversation in Japan
\n13. Kerry repeatedly insists English is “the wrong language at the wrong time” for Japan.
\n12. “Mission Accomplished” – Bush claims all Japanese able to speak English fluently after his one year JET stint
\n11. New Horizon English textbook incorporates unit on “y’all”
\n10. Kerry’s chin helps encourage temporary revival of “Long, long a-go” joke
\n9.\u00a0 Tax rate reduced on foreign-earned income under $75,000.
\n8.\u00a0 Kerry develops increased decisiveness through ancient Japanese janken technique
\n7.\u00a0 Bush accepts JET position only on condition of team-teaching every class with Dick Cheney
\n6.\u00a0 “Do you play Botox?”
\n5.\u00a0 Ministry of Education gives school lunch contracts to Halliburton
\n4.\u00a0 Kerry claims he did not flip-flop when he voted for “i” both before and after “e”
\n3.\u00a0 Loyalty oath required for English learning
\n2.\u00a0 “OK class, repeat after me:\u00a0 Nu-kyu-lar”
\n1.\u00a0 Live televised JETAA Presidential Debates in 2008!<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Spring 2004 – THE “POLITICS” ISSUE TOP 14!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

It could happen.\u00a0 One of these days one of our very own from the JET Alumni community could become President of the United States.\u00a0 What would that be like, ka na…?<\/em><\/p>\n

THE TOP 14 THINGS THAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF A JET ALUM WERE PRESIDENT<\/strong><\/p>\n

14. Fifty-minute self-introduction on first day in office.
\n13. Press conference with Japanese media to promote internationalization and clear up confusion over ability to use chopsticks.
\n12. Presidential toilet seat warmer.
\n11. Future school history books include section on famous “I Have a Pen!” speech.
\n10. Vending machines with hot corn soup installed throughout White House
\n9.\u00a0 Pre-Departure Orientation in the Rose Garden
\n8.\u00a0 Curry rice included in public school lunch menus across the U.S.
\n7.\u00a0 All Foreign Service language training outsourced to AEON.
\n6.\u00a0 Inauguration Karaoke!
\n5.\u00a0 All JETAA Chapter Reps appointed to ambassadorships.
\n4.\u00a0 President works half days, then goes on vacation.\u00a0 (Wait a second…)
\n3.\u00a0 Spin control involves slapping Vice President on the back of the head to evoke laughter from audience and divert controversy.
\n2.\u00a0 All policies explained very clearly, slowly and loudly.
\n1.\u00a0 Oval Office Happy Hour!<\/p>\n

\n

**********<\/p>\n

Winter 2004 – THE “STATE OF JETAA” ISSUE TOP 15<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

In this issue you’ve read about some of the excellent events and activities of other JETAA Chapters.\u00a0 But what about the ones you didn’t hear about?<\/em><\/p>\n

The Top 15 Least Successful JET Alumni Association Activities<\/strong><\/p>\n

15.\u00a0 CBGB’s Rakugo Night<\/p>\n

14.\u00a0 Three-Day-Old Sushi Eating Contest<\/p>\n

13.\u00a0 Holland Tunnel Happy Hour<\/p>\n

12.\u00a0 Enka<\/em> Marathon Getaway Weekend<\/p>\n

11.\u00a0 JETAA Ex-Cons Onsen Trip<\/p>\n

10.\u00a0 Host a Hostess Exchange<\/p>\n

9.\u00a0 Temp-to-Perm Career Forum<\/p>\n

8.\u00a0 Nihongo-Dake<\/em> Doing-the-Chapter-President’s-Taxes Night<\/p>\n

7.\u00a0 Matsui Autograph Signing Event (special thanks to Wilbur Matsui, Shizuoka-ken, 1997-99, for filling in)<\/p>\n

6.\u00a0 “Sittin’ Seiza<\/em>” Matsuri<\/em><\/p>\n

5.\u00a0 JETAA Recent Returnee Smackdown<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0 Nattou<\/em> Art Festival<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0 Kabuki<\/em> Karaoke Night<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0 Japan Society Lecture:\u00a0 Modern Interpretations of Lyrics and Choreography of SMAP<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 JETAA Newsletter 10,000 Envelope Licking Ceremony<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Fall 2003 – THE “WORKING FOR THE MAN” ISSUE TOP 13<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

With all the talk about tough job markets, you may not realize that the JET Program has endowed all of us with the requisite skills for…<\/em><\/p>\n

The Top 13 Hot Jobs for JET Alums<\/strong><\/p>\n

13.\u00a0 Yaki-im Salesman (Manhattan Region)<\/p>\n

12.\u00a0 Bouncer at a karaoke bar<\/p>\n

11.\u00a0 Tissue Pack Hander-outer<\/p>\n

10.\u00a0 Yamaguchi-gumi ALT<\/p>\n

9.\u00a0 Party clown<\/p>\n

8.\u00a0 Sushi taste tester<\/p>\n

7.\u00a0 NY Yankees rookie<\/p>\n

6.\u00a0 Louis Vitton marketing exec (still!)<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0 Talento<\/em><\/p>\n

4.\u00a0 Newsletter editor<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0 Yoshinoya cashier<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0 Professional couch surfer<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 Bubble Burster<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Summer 2003 – THE “FATE & FAME” ISSUE<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

There are many things we wish we’d never said.\u00a0 And yet they were destined to be said and fated to appear in this Newsletter issue.\u00a0 And now destiny calls with…<\/em><\/p>\n

The Top 14 Statements JETs Wish They’d Never Made<\/strong><\/p>\n

14.\u00a0 One year’s enough for me, thanks.\u00a0 I should be able to earn just as much when I get home.\u00a0 (2002)<\/p>\n

13.\u00a0 Why sure, I’ve got a few moments to help you with your English while we ride the train.\u00a0 (1988-2002)<\/p>\n

12.\u00a0 Hey buddy!\u00a0 Yeah, you with all the tattoos!\u00a0 (1993)<\/p>\n

11.\u00a0 You’re on!\u00a0 Another tall glass of show-choo<\/em> for me.\u00a0 (Every year)<\/p>\n

10.\u00a0 See, if you hold up two fingers like this when I take the picture, all my friends back home will know that Japan’s a peaceful country.\u00a0 (1987)<\/p>\n

9.\u00a0 Yamaichi Securities is giving away tamagotchis<\/em>?\u00a0 Heck, I guess I’ll invest all my money with them.\u00a0 (1994)<\/p>\n

8.\u00a0 A delicacy?\u00a0 Well then it must be good.\u00a0 I’ll take a plateful.<\/p>\n

7.\u00a0 How can I explain “tv antennae”?\u00a0 Let’s see.\u00a0 Hand me that bowl of rice and those chopsticks… (1999)<\/p>\n

6.\u00a0 No, I’ll be fine sitting seiza<\/em> for the whole tea ceremony.\u00a0 “When in Rome…” I always say.<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0 Nobody really uses the word “should” in normal English.\u00a0 Let’s change the phrase in the textbook to “you had better.”\u00a0 (1986)<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0 My friend at Stanford wants me to invest in some yahoo computer company his friend started.\u00a0 But I think I’ll just spend my JET savings on a trip to Guam when I leave.\u00a0 (1997)<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Finally, I’ve found a “health club” in this podunk town.\u00a0 And in this<\/em> neighborhood of all places.<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0 I’m tired and low on cash.\u00a0 Let’s just stop in at this “pub” for a cheap beer.\u00a0 (1988)<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 What you guys need for your karaoke machine are a few good Carpenters’ tunes.\u00a0 Here, take my CD.\u00a0 (1988)<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Spring 2003 – THE “ISSUES” ISSUE<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

You think we got problems now?\u00a0 You don’t know nothing.\u00a0 Have you even stopped to think about what JETAA NY will be dealing with in ten years?\u00a0 Well, think no longer, because the JETAA NY Newsletter has already prepared…<\/em><\/p>\n

The Top 13 Issues Facing JETAA NY In The Year 2013<\/strong><\/p>\n

13.\u00a0 Reaching a consensus for the official JETAA position on impending US invasion of Japan<\/p>\n

12.\u00a0 Finding a happy hour locale with cheap drinks AND shuffleboard\/gateball<\/p>\n

11.\u00a0 Increased competition for JETAA readership from the Nikkei Shinbun<\/p>\n

10.\u00a0 Restructuring of JETAA’s off-shore tax-exempt entities.<\/p>\n

9.\u00a0 Reclaiming the softball tournament after a ten-year drought.<\/p>\n

8.\u00a0 Eradicating the Asian fetish.<\/p>\n

7.\u00a0 Enforcing proper pronunciation of the word “karaoke”<\/p>\n

6.\u00a0 Working with SONY to develop the first robotic JET<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0 Coordinating efforts with CLAIR and other JETAA chapters to achieve world domination<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0 Getting tickets for the first real<\/em><\/strong> World Series game (Chicago Cubs vs. Chiba-Lotte Marines)<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0 Answering the ananswered question of why there are no digital alarm clocks in Japan<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0 Finally severing ties with Henry Kissinger and certain other former members of the Nixon administration<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 Getting the Editors to publish the Newsletter on schedule<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Winter 2003 – “RIGHT BRAIN” ISSUE<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Based on our incessant emails, you might think that we at the JETAA NY Newsletter had trouble obtaining article submissions for this issue. <\/em>Au contraire, mis amigos.\u00a0 We were, in fact, so overwhelmed with your writings that most of them, like the resumes you send to companies, went straight into the circular file.\u00a0 We would, however, like to acknowledge the submissions that came close, but just missed the cut.\u00a0 So, without further ado, here are:<\/em><\/p>\n

The Top 15 Articles That Didn’t Make It Into This Newsletter<\/strong><\/p>\n

15.\u00a0 Cheese Grits and the Japanese Government<\/p>\n

14.\u00a0 Hip Hop JET Diary:\u00a0 “What Up, Bro?” and Other Madd Cool Expressions I Tizzaught My Students.<\/p>\n

13.\u00a0 My Favorite Temples!\u00a0 A Former JET Takes Us on a Painstakingly Detailed Tour<\/p>\n

12.\u00a0 Climbing Mt. Fuji!\u00a0 The Same Former JET Drags Us Up Japan’s Famous Symbol<\/p>\n

11.\u00a0 The Japanese:\u00a0 Lemme Tell You About’em<\/p>\n

10.\u00a0 Zero to Hero and Back to Zero:\u00a0 A Male Perspective on Reverse Culture Shock<\/p>\n

9.\u00a0 Inappropriate Origami<\/p>\n

8.\u00a0 Playing the Shakuhachi:\u00a0 A Neo-Freudian Perspective on Traditional Japanese Music<\/p>\n

7.\u00a0 Obsessed with Hiragana!!!<\/p>\n

6.\u00a0 Dude, Cell Phones in Japan Are So Cool!<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0 A Revisiting of the Terrible Hardships Faced by American Caucasian Male Living in Japan<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0 Short Fiction:\u00a0 How I Found the Perfect Job Through the JETAA Network<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0 Seven Great Recipes for Toast (or Flan)<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0 A Post-Modern Evaluation of Epistemological Themes in Japanese Educational Substructures<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 JETAA’s Role in the Assassination of JFK<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Fall 2002 – “LET’S HAPPY JOB SEARCH” ISSUE<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Top 10 JET Resume Descriptions:\u00a0 What They Say…… And What They Really Mean<\/strong><\/p>\n

#10<\/p>\n

    \n
  • Says<\/strong>:\u00a0 Functioned as liason for city relations and internationalization efforts.<\/li>\n
  • Means<\/strong>:\u00a0 Got hammered with city employees and guests while singing numerous renditions of \u201cLove Me Tender.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    #9<\/p>\n

      \n
    • Says<\/strong>:\u00a0 Developed and designed lesson semester lesson plans for 6 junior high schools.<\/li>\n
    • Means<\/strong>:\u00a0 Played bingo and\/or hangman 6 periods per day for six straight months.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      #8<\/p>\n

        \n
      • Says<\/strong>:\u00a0 Responsible for all municipal international correspondence and communications.<\/li>\n
      • Means<\/strong>:\u00a0 Wrote the letter to the replacement JET before going home.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

        #7<\/p>\n

          \n
        • Says<\/strong>:\u00a0 Translated and edited board of education documents.<\/li>\n
        • Means<\/strong>:\u00a0 Changed all the r\u2019s to l\u2019s and l\u2019s to r\u2019s.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

          #6<\/p>\n

            \n
          • Says<\/strong>:\u00a0 Served as international representative for official and civic activities.<\/li>\n
          • Means<\/strong>:\u00a0 Stumbled around the o-bon dance circle after consum- ing significant amounts of alcohol.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

            #5<\/p>\n

              \n
            • Says<\/strong>:\u00a0 Created and designed promotional guide materials for international visitors.<\/li>\n
            • Means<\/strong>:\u00a0 Came up with fictional names for the hodge-podge of nameless streets in my inaka town that no tourist will ever set foot in.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

              #4<\/p>\n

                \n
              • Says<\/strong>:\u00a0 Initiated city-wide language study and cultural exchange program for 12 public pre-schools.<\/li>\n
              • Means<\/strong>:\u00a0 Had to dress up and play Santa at all of the local yochiens.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                #3<\/p>\n

                  \n
                • Says<\/strong>:\u00a0 Developed and taught seminar on cross-cultural teaching and communication at national JET conference for over 500 JET teachers.<\/li>\n
                • Means<\/strong>:\u00a0 Taught foreign English teachers how to play bingo and\/or hangman.\u00a0 Then got ripped, down and over for three days at taxpayers\u2019 expense.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                  #2<\/p>\n

                    \n
                  • Says<\/strong>: Organized and led 13 events for junior high school sports\u2019 festival involving over 400 students.<\/li>\n
                  • Means<\/strong>:\u00a0 Did the NHK radio exercises and then outsprinted twenty 12-year olds.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                    #1<\/p>\n

                      \n
                    • Says<\/strong>:\u00a0 Conducted presentations addressing International Relations.<\/li>\n
                    • Means<\/strong>–\u00a0 Showed a group of adults in your town pictures of your family.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                      **********<\/p>\n

                      Spring 2002 – “NETWORKING” ISSUE<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

                      The Top 10 Networking Don’ts In Japan<\/strong><\/p>\n

                      10.\u00a0 Bringing Quaker instant oats packets to a nabe<\/em> party.<\/p>\n

                      9.\u00a0 Using meishi<\/em> to remove a piece of nori<\/em> from your teeth… before memorizing the person’s name and position.<\/p>\n

                      8.\u00a0 Saying, “Actually, I prefer my sashimi<\/em> fried…”<\/p>\n

                      7.\u00a0 Ending enkai<\/em>s with a big group hug.<\/p>\n

                      6.\u00a0 Insisting your acquaintance respond, “Yeah, you know me!” every time you yell, “You down with L-D-P!”<\/p>\n

                      5.\u00a0 Attempting to facilitate an in-depth discussion of the merits of SMAP versus the Kinki Kids.<\/p>\n

                      4.\u00a0 Asking, “Explain to me again how Dorothy’s dog left Kansas to become the military ruler of Japan?”<\/p>\n

                      3.\u00a0 Sticking chopsticks in your ears when someone asks if you know to use them.<\/p>\n

                      2.\u00a0 Drinking out of the communal beer bottle at an enkai<\/em>.<\/p>\n

                      1.\u00a0 Tickling a co-worker and saying, “Kootchie-kootchie-Koizumi!”<\/p>\n

                      \n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

                      Fall 2008 “Politics” Issue Who would be a better president, McCain or Obama?\u00a0 Maybe that\u2019s the wrong question. Perhaps the focus should be on what presidency they should really be running for. And thus the question is begged, what would be\u2026 The Top 14 Ways JETAA Would be Different If Obama or McCain Were Your […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":47,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-192","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/PkZ7m-36","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jetwit.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/192","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jetwit.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jetwit.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jetwit.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jetwit.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=192"}],"version-history":[{"count":30,"href":"https:\/\/jetwit.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/192\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":197,"href":"https:\/\/jetwit.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/192\/revisions\/197"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jetwit.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/47"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jetwit.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=192"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}